IF I SAY WE ARE IN A FIGHT, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GET MAD BACK
As readers of this blog (and those who know me off-line) already know, I have been trying to end a friendship with P. The thing is, we used to be good friends, but now, whenever I see her or speak with her, I am struck only by how boring, bossy, selfish and ridiculous she really is. So, I took the advice of friends and started phasing out the friendship. I returned calls less often and when I did call back, I made sure to always be on my way somewhere so that the call had a definite end time.
Last night, I realized that I have owed her a call for over a week so, on the way from the subway to my apartment, I tried to call her. I got voicemail and left a message secure in the knowledge that another week or so could go by without my having to speak to her. But then, something disturbing occurred to me. In the past, before I started my avoidance campaign, if P received a voicemail from me, she would call back several times and leave long messages until she either reached me or her cell phone battery died. She never waited a week between calls and lately, whenever I call her back, I get voice mail.
Was she screening me? That is impossible! I am supposed to be screening her! She can’t avoid my calls if I am avoiding hers. I didn’t do anything wrong to end the friendship – she did. Now I can dislike her and be indignant that she should screen my calls. How dare she be so rude????
I called Suzanne to tell her this little story and she likened it to, when the nerdy guy has a crush on you and you tell them to go away and turn them down for dates. So eventually they lose interest and then you feel like a loser because even the nerdy guy doesn’t like you anymore.
But then, something wonderful happened. She called me back within minutes. (I did not answer because I was doubly mad and thus, still avoiding her). And then she called again this morning. And emailed me to say she was sorry she missed me yesterday. The nerdy guy still likes me. Now if only I can make him go away….
2 comments:
I had a friend like your P. once. Only an ocean between us finally managed to kill the friendship for good. And me insulting her husband and her kids helped too.
And then she moved back to SA and was killed during a highjacking attempt, and I wish i could turn back the clock and do things differently with her.
So, don't do anything with P. that you may deeply regret later. Just a thought.
That is awful. The thing is, no matter how much your friendship turns to dislike, there is always the thing that made you friends in the first place and it is horrible to know that that is gone. I am so sorry for your loss.
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