SALTWATER TAFFY FOR SALTY TEARS

I have been on the verge of tears all day. This is despite the fact that it has been a relatively good day. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s hormonal. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have eaten literally 20 pieces of salt water taffy since 10am. But, while the taffy does explain my mild stomach ache, it does not explain the tears. I just ate two more pieces of taffy while writing this. I am literally making myself sick, but when I am sad, I eat. Of course, I also eat when I am happy, nervous, calm, bored, deep in thought, etc. There is pretty much no time when I don’t eat.

Take for example, the wedding in Cherry Hill mentioned in the previous post. Mother, Father, Husband and I all got dolled up in our Black Tie Optional best and headed to the wedding at 1pm. Plenty of time for breakfast and lunch (which I ate). The ceremony started at 2:30 and was over by 3:30pm. It was a 45 minute drive to the reception hall and there was a 90 minute break between the ceremony and reception. All normal people drive to the reception and begin to partake of appetizers and drinks. My family drives south to Philly in search of Pat’s cheese steaks and then, after gorging ourselves on cheese steaks (well, Father and Husband gorged themselves, semi-Kosher self and self-disciplined Mother abstained) drove back north to the reception and ate as much as we could shove in our faces for the next hour until the cocktail hour ended. Then, as the reception was winding down, we stood in front of the chocolate fountain at the dessert bar and insisted the fountain be turned on so we could eat dessert. All of this after dinner and eating the chocolate favors of guests who had the misfortune of arriving late. And yet, I wonder why I gained 1.6 pounds this weekend despite walking almost 18 miles?

I just ate three more taffy.