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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

GOOD HYGIENE LEADS TO TRAGEDY

Husband lost his wedding ring a few weeks ago. I would have been more upset, except that he was clearly devastated and tore apart the apartment looking for it. We have come to the conclusion that it likely fell off while he was washing his hands at work (I am impressed he washes since something like 25% of the male population does not!) and thus, is gone forever. He went today and bought a new one, but his ring-less status for the last couple of weeks was sort of interesting as a social experiment.

When I told friends he lost his ring, almost every male's comment was something along the lines of "In a strip club?" or even more grotesque, "In who?" Female friends on the other hand, seemed perplexed I was not more devastated because (and this is an actual quote), "the ring is a symbol of your love. Do you think that means there is a problem?" Now, I do not wear the ring I got married in because it belonged to my great-grandmother and all the women in my family get married in it so it only comes out for the ceremony. So who cares if his ring is the one in which he was married? The interesting part to me, of the whole thing, is that someone would suggest (either through the implication that Husband lost his ring while with another woman or by flat out saying that the lost ring was a telling act) that there was a problem in our marriage. So far, we have had almost 4 months of married life and if the first year is supposed to be the hardest, then the rest of our lives together will be a piece of cake. The ring is a thing and not a symbol of our love. It may be an outward sign to the world that we are married, but I can't imagine people checking in the future to make sure we are still in our original rings. Moreover, the person who asked if there was a problem in the marriage recently "upgraded" her engagement ring to a larger stone. By that token, is there a problem in her marriage? Does she wish her husband was a little bit bigger? I wish I had thought to ask.

However, all this being said, the lost ring did bother me. I hated that when we went out, he did not have it and even more so, my heart broke when Husband told me it may be too expensive to replace right now because we are trying very hard to save money to do all the things married couples (whether they have rings or not) sometimes do (i.e. buy a home and start a family). Yet another reason Husband is so awesome is that when I told him I was upset that buying a new ring was now a priority finance-wise, he immediately agreed to go out and buy another ring despite the cost).

But my reasons for being upset were very different from my friends’ reasons that I should be upset...sort of. I was sad because those who know Husband know that he never loses things. Ever. He keeps tax returns for seven years, has his high school comic book and Garbage Pail Kids collections perfectly organized and knows where each individual comic book or card in the collection is located. It actually frightening how well organized he is. So, when this particular item was lost, I was upset and angry. Then I was upset and angry for being upset and angry. Nothing like a downward emotional spiral to top off your weekend! But, now that the ring has been replaced, I have perspective and realize it was silly to get to worked up because it is just a ring. I hereby vow to be more levelheaded in the future and not attach meaning to inanimate objects just because society tells me I should...at least as long as the dried flowers from the engagement are intact.

5 comments:

mom said...

see i checked

mom said...

dont you work?

Suzanne said...

I promise to give you the "Congrats! You are an asshole" cards to give to people who made those comments. Fuckers.

Justin's dad never wears his wedding ring. Of course, he is an electrical engineer, and would probably die is he wore it since it would conduct electricity, but they have been married very happily for 35 years. More proof that these people are douche bags.

Anonymous said...

I know your post was a long time ago, but my husband lost his wedding ring yesterday and so your post was interesting to me. He, like your husband, is devastated. The thing is our dog went on on a pond on a day trip to the beach and fell through the ice and probably would have drown, if my husband hadn't got in the water and broke all the ice to get to him in the middle of the pond. He had frostbite and hypothermia and was scratched up badly b/c my dog was in a state of panic and started to scratch him when my husband finally reached him. It was terrifying. The whole thing was probably only 10 mins but felt like an eternity. Then today he realized he lost his ring. It has been storming, snow and ice since yesterday, so even if it was at outside the pond it would be difficult too find. Anyway, just wanted to share my story. Sadly, right now we can't afford to replace it because we just got married 2 months ago and are saving for our honeymoon. His ring was a fair bit more expensive then mine. Thanks for listening, if anyone is.

Sara said...

Dear Anonymous: That is awful but in the end, the ring can be replaced while the dog can not. And, it sounds like your Husband was quite the hero the other day so losing the ring may have been worth it. Even if you never replace the ring (my Dad never wore a ring an dmy parents have been happily married for 35 years!) you will always have a great story as to why.