Random Blog A Musing Farf

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I have to admit when writing this that I have never been depressed enough to think about killing myself so perhaps I am not looking at this from the right perspective, but if you are going to kill yourself, I really have strong feelings that you should do it in a way that least interferes with my life. Or really the lives of anyone. It is such a utterly selfish act in most cases and Monday morning’s happenings only serve to reinforce this idea in me.

So, it is 8:30am on Monday and I am trying to commute to work. I drop the dog off at his day care center (yes, us Yuppie Upper West Side dwellers take our pets to day care while we are at work) and head to the subway. I am exactly on time and mentally start preparing for the really busy day ahead of me. I also want to add at this point that I brought home a gigantic and heavy binder to do work over the weekend so I am carrying that as well and wearing uncomfortable high heeled shoes.

Just as I get to the subway platform, I see the subway there but despite my best efforts to run in high heels while carrying a bag and binder, I miss the train and the subway doors close in my face. I wait for another train. I continue to wait when eventually another train arrives. Although not the correct train, it is heading in the right direction and I jump on. The train is really crowded and I have to stand. We go about 100 feet and stop. According to announcements, there is a sick passenger a few stops ahead and we need to wait for an ambulance. A half an hour goes by before we move. We go a few more feet and stop again. Almost 45 minutes go by before we get to the stop where I have to switch trains. When I get to the stop, I discover the trains on my line are not running because of “sick passenger” and have to go to another station, wait for 20 more minutes and get on another train before getting to my office a full 115 minutes after I left my apartment and more than an hour and a half after I was supposed to arrive.

I get to work and start complaining to folks. They understand. Everyone had the same issues that morning. Turns out that someone killed themselves by jumping in front of the train. Now, I ask you – if you are going to kill yourself, can’t you do it at noon? Must you do it during rush hour? The trains run just as quickly and are just as heavy when I am not waiting for them! Besides, do these jumpers ever think about the psychological effects their suicide has on the train drivers? How awful to be going about your work day and then all of a sudden, realize that your job is the cause of someone ending their life. According to Dr. H, many of these drivers end up being unable to return to work because they are too distraught.

So, next time you think about killing yourself, please try to consider how it affects the rest of us. Really, is it too hard to show a little consideration in your last moments?


Suzanne said...

Well, take heart in this. Even if you had made the prior train, you'd still be stuck on it.

montchan said...

there is this great Swedish documentary "98 km/h" about a train driver who had people jump in front of HIS train 3 times. He finally quit his job.

He kept asking himself: Why me? Why my train?

It was heartbreaking. And Sweden has one of the highest suicide rates in the world.