ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR AND OTHER BITS OF WISDOM
Last night, Suzanne and I were discussing yummy desserts and I mentioned that Emack& Bolio makes an amazing pumpkin ice cream. Oddly, Suzanne does not like pumpkin flavored ice cream but loves sweet potato pie. We were discussing how to make a sweet potato pie and Suzanne told me it was easy. The first step is to buy a ready made pie crust. I stopped her there. Buy a pie crust? Doesn’t she make extra pie crusts so she has some in case she ever has a pie emergency?
Suzanne was amazed that I make pie crusts every year and freeze them in case I need them. I was surprised that she didn’t. After all, when I got my first apartment, my mother, while helping me to unpack, gave me this sage advice, “Whenever you make a pie, make at least one extra crust and freeze it so you always have a crust ready in case you need to make an emergency pie.” Although I make two crusts every time I make a pie, I never really analyzed this advice before. What is a pie emergency? If there was some actual emergency involving a pie, couldn’t I just buy the pie? Or at least buy the crust? I started to think of all the other advice my mother has given me over the years or that mothers give daughters in general.
For example, my mother once told me never to leave the house without making the bed. She illustrated the point by telling me that the one time my Nana S, her mother, did so, she broke her leg and the paramedics saw the unmade bed. Why does this matter? Does she think the unmade bed caused the broken leg? Will paramedics give me shoddy treatment if they think I am a poor housekeeper? What if I made the bed and someone unmade it while I was gone? And yet, Husband will attest that I refuse to leave the house with an unmade bed.
My Nana N. once gave her daughter (my aunt) some advice that has stuck with me. She said, “Always remember, it is better to be nice than it is to be stupid.” Huh? Are they mutually exclusive? Can you choose to be stupid? I am not even sure how you follow that bit of “wisdom.”
So, I put this out to everyone reading this: What crazy piece of advice has been passed down to you? Do you follow it blindly? I would love to know and the best stories will be in a future post (properly anonymized, of course).
5 comments:
From my mother: "Always carry a dime and your ID. That way, if someone finds your body stuffed under a dumpster they will be able to call your house."
From my father, when I was dating for the first time and wanted to know "how far" to go: "Always remember that you can give your boyfriend one kiss tonight and two tomorrow, but once you give him two you can never go back to just giving him one."
From my beloved band director, Bob Murray, "You can't suck the note back into the horn!" or synonymously, "If you're going to screw up, do it loud!"
And from my grandmother, who was urging me to go out on dates while my then-dodgy boyfriend (and my now completely reformed husband) was away on a 2 month business trip: "Until a man asks you to marry him, you're just friends."
I am very late with my mom's sage advice, but it's up now at CUSS.
I am sure that I have a bunch but only a couple come to mind at this moment:
Mother: "Mijo, keep a toothpick between your teeth when you cut onions and you won't cry." I still tend to do this, despite the fact that my eyes water either way.
Father: One day while I was leaving for high school: "Son, keep your tool cool and don't let your meat loaf." Still working on what to do with this little nugget.
Grandma told me never to point with your finger, so I used my elbow!
Cousin David in California told me never to chew food with my mouth open.
Grandma told me never to speak with food in my mouth.
My mom told me to never, ever drink from a public fountain, but if I had to, to keep lips off the hardware.
Mom also told me to never, ever sit on a public toilet, but if I had to, to pile on tons of toilet paper.
My mom told me to never, ever go on motorcycles.
My mom told me never to date good-looking stupid guys, or guys that were "booksmart" and not worldly.
My told me that nice girls don't telephone boys.
My father told me not to go out on dates or in cars with boys ever!
I was always taught abortion was wrong and should be abolished.
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